Have You Heard of One of the Top Tricks to Decrease Attention Seeking Behavior?

newandgoldvillage
2 days ago
3 min read

It's called 'special play time' and we have all the insight you need to start doing it yourself!

Every mom has a kid that humbles her, that forces her to let go of old habits that don’t serve the sacred parent/child relationship. I have one. I know you, yeah you reading this, you have one too. If you don't - you will. But it's a good thing, a gift even. I learn more about myself from my humbler than I do from my own flaws and mistakes. She has forced me to reckon with my own shortcomings and unhealed issues. Which led me to a therapist who specializes in parenting coaching. Because I don't gatekeep, I've decided to share all of my session takeaways with this community - basically an “I went to therapy so you don’t have to” type segment. My goal is to become a one woman Swiss army knife, equipped with any tool to handle just about any situation. Therapy is just one way I sharpen my knives. So I went to my first session, bright eyed and bushy tailed - and by that I mean sweaty and late because I underestimated how long it would take me to get from my workout to her office. But that’s showbiz baby. We sat down and in 20 minutes she had me out the door on my first assignment.

The first assignment

The session led with a lesson on misbehavior. Kids “misbehave” because of a gap between a feeling and the tools to deal with that feeling - the lapse is where the misbehavior occurs. Punishment (while intuitive) increases that gap making the kid feel more negative feelings (guilt, shame, frustration, confusion etc.) and bringing them further away from learning the skills to deal with said feelings and emotions. So, while punishment may seem like a logical consequence, it actually has the opposite effect and can further the bad behavior. The first piece of homework this therapist gave me was 1) avoid traditional punishment methods while we are working together and 2) start working in “special play time” ONCE A WEEK for 30 minutes with each individual child in your family. She quoted multiple studies that show this “special play time” decreases attention seeking behaviors drastically and strengthens to bond between child and parent. Once a week is the ideal frequency - any more and it loses its magic, any less and it will lack the consistency to work properly.

How special play time works

During special play time, the parent conducting it will pull out a specific basket or bag with toys suggested from therapist that they are only allowed to play with during special play time. You can hype it up, get them excited - remind them of it the night before or the morning of. Turn it into a special ritual that everyone looks forward to. Spend 30 minutes of undivided, device free time where you just watch your child play. You are not allowed to discipline, redirect or ASK ANY QUESTIONS. You can just observe and offer statements about what you are noticing they are doing. And you have to clean up (boo, I know). This time needs to be all about the child and have an entirely positive connotation associated with it. In a household with multiple kids, usually parents do 30 minutes with one child and then swap and do 30 with the other or plan the 30 minute special play times for different days to meet the needs of all of the children in the house but it is important that all attention be on that singular child. And, as I said above, it only needs to be done once a week.

Special Play Time Basket Must Include A Myriad of the Following

Real Life Toys

Examples:

Small Baby Doll

Doctor Kit

Play Money / Spending Scenario

Toy Phones (2)

Puppets

Bonus that you probably already have at home: dishes, flatware, baby bottle, cars, animals, and dress up items

Acting Out Aggression Toys (Promoting Imaginative Play)

Examples:

Dart Guns